Are you living in “The Space Between?”

The space between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter - keeps us coming back for more
The space between
The wicked lies we tell
In the hope to keep safe from the pain
Lyrics by Dave Matthews & Glen Ballard

These beautiful lyrics from Dave Matthews always remind me of an excerpt from Dr. Michael Beckwith who spoke on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday about a concept called “The Dark Night of the Soul.” The dark night of the soul is when you’re losing your identification with the old you, but the new you has yet to emerge. It’s like being in limbo. There is a lot of fear and uncertainty that resides in this space. Call it darkness, call it sadness, call it purgatory, call it depression. I am not the old me, but I’m not the me I long to become yet either. As Matthew’s lyrics state, we tell ourselves wicked lies to allegedly keep safe from suffering and torment. It’s paradoxically paralyzing.

This “Space Between” is excruciatingly uncomfortable. My last year at Reprise Records was a prime example of this concept. My twins were just turning 3. I found myself longing to be someone else. I told myself stories that I couldn’t be a highly functioning business executive and a present single parent at the same time. My identity as a music business mogul and single Mom didn’t mesh in my mind. I was torn, I tortured myself with guilt and shame. The thing is you cannot live in polarity. You can’t want a huge, successful career and be a stay at home Mom at the same time. It’s two opposing desires. Something’s gotta give. Or so I thought anyway. Ironically enough, the universe created a solution for me. I lost my job when Reprise folded into WBR. It provided me all the time in the world to be home, but with no income. Be careful what you wish for. To be 100% transparent, I still feel like I am still living in the Dark Night of The Soul. I have a HUGE vision for my future as the life coach & hypnotist to the stars, hosting a Ted talk, writing a book, creating a podcast, speaking on stage with the likes of Oprah, Gabby Bernstein, Jay Shetty, Mike Dooley, Dr. Shefali Tsbary, Brendon Burchard and Deepak Chopra. Anything is possible. I am convinced it will materialize, but first I must dig my way out.

So how can one emerge from this space? In my last article, I mentioned that the quality of your life depends on the quality of the questions you ask yourself. Dr. Beckwith said to ask yourself this poignant question:

If this experience were to last forever, what quality would have to emerge for me to have peace of mind?

Would you need strength of character? Patience? Resignation? Surrender? The key here is to shift your attention away from the resistance you are carrying around, stop wallowing in shit, and allow the new you to emerge. When you focus on living in harmony, the process is speeded up. Wherever you place your attention is where you place your energy. You are where your attention is. So in order to come out of the darkness, it’s helpful to have some key tools in place.

Spend time in the silence of meditation.
Journal and reflect on your dreams and desires, yes do some future trippin!
Act as if you are “already there.”
Create your alter ego. The superhero, badass version of yourself.
Hire a coach who can identify your blinders and reinforce your goals
Join a FB group of like minded people for accountability and support
Hire a hypnotist who can help reprogram your subconscious identity to who you want to BE.

Here’s to living in the light, and BEcoming the best version of the new you! I hope this has served you as it has for me.

Lynn McDonnell is a 25+ year music business executive, an ICBCH certified hypnotist and life coach. If you need support you can find her at:
Website: lynnmcdonnell.com
Email: [email protected]
Phone: 818-257-0634